ne of my kids recently told me, “I wish you’d forced me to practice more when I was growing up. I’d be better now if you had.”
While I get where she’s coming from, I don’t wish I’d forced her to practice more.
What I do wish I’d done more is listen.
I wish I’d taken time every day to sit down and look each of my kids in the eyes and listened to their hearts.
I wish I’d stopped trying to get so many things done, and taken time to play a game, pretend with them, and gone into their world.
I wish that I had practiced more, and invited my kids to join me.
I wish that when I did practice, I said fewer things like “Ugh, I’ll never get that right” but instead said, “Oh, let me try that again, I know I’ll get it.”
I wish that when my kids did practice, I didn’t call out from the kitchen “That’s a B-flat,” but instead I wish I’d stopped what I was doing more and sat down and said, “I love listening to you play.”
I don’t wish I’d never invited my kids to practice, but instead of adding practice to their list of chores, I wish I’d said more things like “As soon as we’re finished with the dishes, we’ll have time to practice!” more like practicing is the reward, not another chore.
I think I was so worried about being enough that I missed the part about loving the time I was in. And I think that affected my kids in ways I never anticipated.
What I’ve come to see over the many years I’ve spent teaching kids, raising my own kids, and working with parents, is that kids learn from us more by the things we do than the things we say.
I know I’m being the proverbial old lady when I say “Enjoy them while they’re young, it goes by so fast.” But that was always the best advice. Enjoying your kids while they’re young makes your life so much sweeter, and just as importantly, it helps your kids to feel your love in ways that telling them “I love you” will never do. And feeling deeply loved by you will free your kids to grow, and learn, and become all that they want to be in their lives.
