have a great idea, and I think you’re going to love it!
Are you sick of making New Years Resolutions, only to forget all about them by about mid-January?
I have made so many new year’s resolutions that have fallen off the radar two weeks later. Don’t get me wrong, sometimes I’ve actually carried out my resolutions for a whole year – but a lot of my resolutions have been idealistic and unreachable. So this year I’m doing something different. And I’m inviting you to join the fun! If you have littles, this will be especially fun for them, and will help them to develop a healthy way of realizing AND CELEBRATING goals!
I’m going to spend the last week of 2022 really thinking about what’s gone well – what improvements I’ve made in my life, with my family, in my work, and in my piano practice, and what I’ve learned – especially from the challenges (we all had some). I’m going to make a cool chart showing all the growth, and I’m going to think about as many improvements as I can and add them to the chart. As you’re reading this, I’ve already started – here’s what I have so far:
Once I got started I was amazed at how many things I’ve actually accomplished and learned this past year! (It’s hard to see, but each tree represents a different aspect of my life: Work, Family, Personal, Social, and Church. In the branches are lots of things I might have otherwise discounted or forgotten about.)
So I recently read a book called The Gap and the Gain: the high achievers guide to happiness, confidence, and success, by Dan Sullivan, with Dr. Benjamin Hardy. I learned that measuring our progress by unattainable ideals is discouraging, deflating, and not a very good way to measure success – well actually I already knew about the discouraging and deflating part. Duh. But I hadn’t really thought about a better way – measuring backward. Look back and see how far you’ve come! It turns out there are studies that show people who measure backward are more likely to realize their goals, And they are happier in the process! Who knew you could have both??
The funny thing is, I’ve been doing this with my students in small ways for a long time. I’ve been teaching music to very little kids for a few decades now, and I’ve learned that correcting them all the time doesn’t work very well. Little kids (and big ones) get discouraged easily, and they lose interest. But when they’re having fun and they feel great about what they’re doing, they tend to stick with things for a surprising amount of time (think of video games, with their constant dings and level ups). So I’ve learned to spend a lot more time focusing on what my students are doing well. The more I’ve tapped into this one skill, the more kids love coming to their lessons. They love to show me what they’ve practiced, and, over time, they develop a healthy habit of enjoying music at home (especially when their parents really get this concept too). And they improve because it’s fun.
I love offering this kind of encouragement to my students and watching them thrive. I love how delighted they are when they learn something new. And I love showing my love to them in this way. But why is it so hard to get ourselves to do this in our own lives?
The thing is, kids learn more from watching us than by anything we tell them. So it’s extra important that we enjoy our lives, that we celebrate our wins, and that the kids in our lives see us doing this. Even if your kids are so young that they’ll sleep right through this New Year’s celebration, they’re developing habits and preferences right now that will stick. You can help yourself, and everyone you influence, by starting to notice the good things that you achieve in your life, and letting them see you do it.
We’ve been taught that we have to look at what’s wrong and fix it. While this is true to a point, no one wants to listen only to what’s wrong. And it’s not only little kids. It turns out, looking only at what’s wrong and trying to fix it isn’t very effective for anyone.
Since I read The Gap and the Gain (going on my 2nd round), I started measuring my gains at the end of every day, just before falling asleep, and I’ve slept better. I’ve woken up with a more optimistic view of the coming day, and I’ve been able to calm my brain down when I’ve been worried (Sometimes I worry). I’m spending more time doing what matters to me, and less time wishing they were done.
So this year, instead of making unrealistic New Year’s Resolutions in my old way, where I think about what I WISH I’d done, and give it another go – another year, then give up halfway through January, I’m going to spend this last week of 2022 looking back at what’s gone well this past year, and what I’ve learned – measuring the gains. My plan is that on New Years, I’ll be in a better mindset to make some realistic, fun goals, and to jump in and start measuring along the way through 2023, and actually enjoy the progress! I hope you’ll consider doing this with me, and make it really obvious to your kids and/or grandkids. Really, it’s okay for them to see that life is fun, even for grown-ups!
Spend some time thinking about where you were at the beginning of the year. Think of some specific, measurable moments that show improvement. Put it on your chart. Spend some time with this and make it fun! Of all the things you can do with your time off, this might be one of the most beneficial and memorable. Be sure to celebrate the successes.
Once you’ve spent the coming week celebrating the gains of 2022, 2023 will look a lot more bright, and the resolutions you make might seem a lot more doable and fun.
As with everything you want to teach your kids, do this yourself, and let your kids take in as much or as little as they’re ready for.
I’m excited about this week, AND THE COMING YEAR, and I hope you are too!
So much love,
Miss Holly
