H​ow to Teach Music to a Toddler Who Won’t Be Taught

So if you can’t force, bribe, or reward a three-year-old into cooperating, what do you do when you also want to share music with them?

You could wait until they’re seven, when kids are generally much more cooperative. That’s what many music programs suggest, or require. But here’s the problem: you’ll have missed the most important window for learning. Many musical sensibilities are acquired in very early childhood, the same way language is instilled early. Patterns of cooperation, patience, and decision-making are also developed during these years. You have a wonderful opportunity to lay all of that groundwork while your child is seemingly trying to get you to pull your hair out.

mom and toddler playing piano

Think of it like teaching them to talk

Very young kids learn extremely quickly, but they need time for their minds and bodies to process. Think about how a brand new baby learns to talk — it takes being shown over and over and over. Then they practice by making tiny sounds, experimenting with their breath and their tongue. They jabber, they squeal, they make all kinds of noises. Once they do talk, you can’t get them to stop, and that’s a great problem to have!

The same is true with music. Kids need to be shown over and over how music making works, that it’s fun, and that it’s what all the cool kids are doing. (Luckily, when your kids are three and four, you’re still the cool kids.)

This time is all about what YOU do

Here’s the most important thing to understand about music and preschoolers: this is not the time for performance, competition, or testing your child’s musical abilities or interest. It’s the time for pouring music into them like they’re an empty pitcher waiting to be filled — the way you naturally taught them to talk, by talking to and around them all the time.

I’ve seen it over and over. Kids whose parents participate in class eventually participate too, willingly. Kids whose parents patiently practice the little songs and keep progressing in their own music can’t help but get involved eventually. Kids whose parents wait for their child to show interest first do exactly what their parents are doing: they wait. They’re wired to behave like you. It’s part of their survival instinct.

What this actually looks like day to day

Parents who sing the songs, dance and play, have story time, clap along, and make silly songs out of flashcards, parents who make games out of what they want to show their kids, and who don’t force, beg, cry, yell, punish, or bribe- those parents show their kids that music time is fun. They teach their kids music the same way they taught them to talk: by simply doing it.
If your child is nearby, they’re learning. And sometimes they’ll even want to join in. When that happens, don’t make a huge deal of it, and don’t immediately try to push for more. A little goes a long way for little ones, whose brains are still growing very quickly. Keep being patient, keep playing music yourself, and wait for them to come to you.

parent signing with baby

When they start showing interest don’t rush it

It can be incredibly exciting when your child starts to engage, and it’s tempting to capitalize on that momentum. Resist the urge. Pushing for more will backfire, I promise. The same principles that got you here still apply: patience, modeling, and respect for their autonomy.

Kids of any age find it difficult to do what they’re told, but they will always do what they see their parents do. Whether you’re genuinely enjoying your music practice or just going through the motions, your kids will eventually copy you. Enjoy playing music, clap the beats, find the patterns, and invite your child to help you from time to time. Let their response be your guide.

Music making is the best way I know to help your child grow their brain, give them tools to express their emotions, and connect with you, their favorite grown-up. As you demonstrate compassion and cooperation while enjoying music around them, and eventually with them, you have a powerful opportunity to bond through the most universal language there is: the language of connection.

As always, have so much fun!

P.S. At Little Bird Piano Academy®, we’re coming up on our annual Ensemble Festival, making music together and creating those connections with other musicians that give us purpose and belonging outside ourselves. Like team sports, but without the competition. If you’re part of this group, please be thinking about ways to keep it fun and non-competitive. You’ll never regret having patience, and fun, with your child and with yourself!